a ritual
by absolutleyfabulous
Summary: Its hard to explain....its a sad fic to me.....i like it so read it if you dont like it then...i dont know....


Okay, well this is my first fanfic for Gilmore Girls so if it sucks bear with me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately. Those people who do are lucky bums.

Summary: It's a one shot, and I heard this song and it reminded me of Jess and Rory and how each could feel about each other after all this time. It's set right after this last episode, I don't remember the date but it's the one where Jess comes back…….okay I know I've read a lot of stories about it but I love it and its my first fanfic on jess on Rory. So oh well. If you don't like it please don't hate me, I can never get jess right.

Jess:

As I drive away from Hartford I think about the last 48 hours. She looked good, pretty. Her hair was different and she doesn't look like the innocent girl I fell in love with but she was still Rory. She was still the book-loving, journalist, Harvard bound girl that I knew; even if she chose to go to Yale. I forget what time I left that night but when I got to my empty apartment I felt alone, something I hadn't felt since I left Stars Hallow.

_**Alone in this house again tonight  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine **_

I had blown it and after all this time I still wanted her. She was still the girl I fell in love with. I watched the mute T.V screen with my beer in hand trying to forget her, but I couldn't. She was imprinted in my mind. Always to haunt me. 'Why in the hell did I go there?' I thought to myself. 'I'm over her.' I laughed outloud when I thought that. No man could ever get over a Gilmore Girl. Look at Luke.

**_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you, walkin' away _**

Rory:

He came back. After all this time, Jess, the rebel-without-a-cause, James Dean wannabe Jess came back. He looked the same, but he acted different. I knew that if he wanted to he could have killed Logan in the literary refrences but he just sat there and took it. Jess.

**_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain _**

Why did he come back? Why did he have to ruin what I was doing, make me realize I was being stupid? Why did it have to be the other way around after all these years, with him doing well and be just existing? Why did I feel all these emotions when I saw him. Why did he make me weak in the knees after all these years? Why did I let him leave?

_**To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry.**_

Jess:

_**It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better  
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way **_

**_Would it help if I turned a sad song on  
_**

"Hello?"

"Hey Jess."

"Luke."

"We need to stop with this one word answers jess," Luke said on the phone.

"Huh, I didn't know I was doing it," I replied sarcastically.

"Jess," Luke sighed, "Did you talk to her?"

"Yup."

"And?" Luke asked.

"Give her 2 days, maybe one, I don't know, Rory may have changed," I replied and I could feel Lukes' smile on the other line.

"Thank you,"

"Whatever," I frowned.

"Jess."

I sighed, Luke was the only one who cared, "Your welcome."

"Well Lorelai will come in soon.."

"Hey. Luke?" I called.

"Yes?"

"Why did you ask me to do it?"  
"Because."

"Why?"

"Because you two connected, because I knew she would listen to you, because I know she never stopped loving you, and I know you would know just what to say," Luke explained.

"Thanks," I laughed.

"You broke her heart, but she never forgot you," Luke continued.

"Well you better go I have a feeling Lorelei will come in right now," I predicted and I heard Lorelei's voice yell Luke my love I need coffee.

"How did you do that?"

"It's Lorelei Luke."

"Right."

_**"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone  
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters**_

I had three more beers and 2 glasses of Vodka before I was slumped on the couch for good. It was not a good position but I was too drunk to care or move. I shouldn't have come back; I shouldn't have seen her. I should have just let her screw up. But does it matter? I moved on before I'll just get raging drunk for 3 days read all the books that remind me of her, yell and rant to myself think seriously of calling her then go on with my life and go hook up with a girl at a bar and then I'll go back to writing and my life. Yep that's the plan

**_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control_**

Rory:

I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I needed to do this before I went back to make up with my mom. I needed this, I already got a job and I moved out of my grandmothers house. I now needed to do this one thing before making up with my mother.

I stepped out of the car and walked up the stairs to the apartment number luke had given me. I knocked twice before a grunt came from inside and the door opened revealing Jess Mariano in boxers and a Clash t-shirt. He looked so perfect. I didn't know what to do so I acted and kissed him knocking him backwards.

"Rory," Jess said after I broke the kiss.

"I just wanted to say thank you," I smiled.

"…"

"Jess?"

"Your welcome, but please tell me you dumped that blonde jerk." Jess asked and I smiled.

"I'm getting things right now," I said.

"Good Rory, you deserve the best," Jess replied.

"Why did you come back?"

"I told you, my book," Jess said.

"Is that the real reason?" I asked.

"I guess that will always remain a mystery," Jess smirked and let me into his apartment.

I saw Ann Raynd books strewn across the floor with Oliver Twist, Hemmingway and Howl.

"What are you doing?"

"It's a ritual," Jess shrugged.

"Huh?"

"When I first got over you, I got raging drunk for 3 days read every book that reminded me of you, yelled and ranted to myself thought seriously of calling you then went and hooked up with some girl at a bar. Then I went on with my life. I was on day two," Jess explained.

_**But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
**_

"Was it going well?" I asked.

"It was alright, but I think I will need more time now to get rid of you in my mind," Jess laughed.

"Oh, sorry,"

"Don't be Rory, you didn't do anything wrong,"

"I slept with him,"

"Well I figured you slept with Blondie," Jess shrugged.

"I slept with Dean too," I said starting to cry when I saw jess' expression changed.

"Oh,"

"It was stupid."

"Well I take it he was your first," Jess asked and I nodded.

"Well that did it for me," Jess said and took out a cigarette from a drawer in his kitchen.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I tried to stop smoking, I was on day two," Jess said and lit it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and he walked over to me.

"It's your life, not mine," Jess shrugged and I looked up at him.

"You're different."

"Love does that," Jess shrugged and I took the cigarette out of his hand.

"This will kill you," I said putting it out.

"That's what I'm hoping for," Jess joked and I kissed him again.

_**Tonight I wanna cry.**_

_**OooOOOOoooo **_

Jess:

The next morning I woke up with a note on my pillow. I could still smell her and I remembered the night before. I knew she was gone, I knew she would never come back, and I knew she thought it was a mistake and was sorry. But for one night I was 17 again and for one night it was only Rory and I. No dean, No Lorelei, no Blonde Yale guy, just me and her. I remember smelling her and wanting to never forget how she smelled. I picked up the note and read her neat handwriting:

_Jess, _

_I'm sorry you have to wake up to a note but I woke up and realized that I had to leave to make up with my mother. I know your thinking that I woke up and realized what we did was a mistake but I don't. It was a night I only dreamt of once, but I still thought that it was better then any night with dean and different then any night with Logan. Blondie. I'm sorry I have to leave and you know that we will never be again. Things are different _

_now and I know you came to see me cause you still love me at least I hope you do…and you should know that I have always loved you but we both need to move on. _

_Love Rory._

**_Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain_**

Rory:

Coming back to Stars hallow was the best day of my life. Hugging my mother saying I'm back was the greatest feeling. It was as if I never left. I missed my mom so much. But as I hugged her I couldn't help but remember the night with Jess and the note I left him. I know he would read it and would agree with me. He always did unless it was Hemmingway. He always was the one who had most in common with me. I know that right about now he will be drinking away my memory and will be reading but I also know that no matter what he will always love me and he will know I will always love him. And right now that's all we both need.

**_To hell with this pride  
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry._**

Jess:

As I sat there with my beer in one hand and Howl in the other, I thought back to Rory and knew that right now forgetting her would do, but I would come back to her memory at another time and remember her letter and realize that her love is all that I'll need. So I put the bottle of beer down and I laid in my chair reading Howl and remembering Rory's smell.

_**  
Mhmm mmm**_


End file.
